Spaced shuttled
http://jedicookies.tumblr.com

I stain my pillow with these god forsaken tears

Today I died a little inside 

I realized the best part of me was also the worse 

And love is a losing game 

Mind glitch

Once again, fuck you inner demons. My thoughts managed to poison me today. The immune system got weak, but there was an antidote. That antidote was you. 

I stay silent with my battles. Because I believe strength is not based solely in words, but in patience. People underestimate the power of patience. But patience sees you through the dark and into the light. So even when you were crushed to your bones, you still see the beauty of life. You manage a smile.

Note to self

I am my own enemy. It's time I put a stop to this. Fuck you, pathetic Suha. Fuck you for being too hard on yourself. You're enough. In fact, you're more than enough. You're whole. You're real. Fuck this stupid emotional shit. I'm gonna start a revolution in my head and end all this mind pollution. Fuck yeah. To all my demons, die motherfuckers die!!! This time I'm ready to fight. You little pieces of shit. You won't get through me now because I'm gonna fight until I walk out of this with a satisfied smile on my face. The sort of grin that would be so hard to rub off...because I know I'm waaaaaayyyy better off without you. So fuck you, fears. Fuck you, inner demons. Bullshit! Fuck you! I'm gonna get out of this alive, I know it!

You're own your own
In a world you've grown
Few more years to go
Don't let the hurdle fall
So be the girl you loved
Be the girl you loved

I'll wait
So show me while you're strong
Ignore everybody else
We're alone now
I'll wait
So show me while you're strong
Ignore everybody else
We're alone now

Suddenly I'm hit
Is this darkness or the dawn?
And your friends are gone
And your friends won't come
So show me where you fit
So show me where you fit

I'll wait
So show me while you're strong
Ignore everybody else
We're alone now
I'll wait
So show me while you're strong
Ignore everybody else
We're alone now

Suddenly I'm hit
Is this darkness or the dawn?
And your friends are gone
And your friends won't come
So show me where you fit
So show me where you fit

Waking up

One of my favourite feelings
Is falling asleep beside my favourite person

Beating hearts
Consistent breaths
Warm beings

I fell into a deep sleep
One that wasn't interrupted with thoughts
Or dreams
This time I was falling asleep into reality

My favourite person
Calmed me into a slumber
We laid down in close proximity
And now that I know how it feels, I'll miss it

---

I woke up with the sight of how a being
Could feel like a blanket
And just as soon as I realised this fact
You embraced me into a new day

Hey you.

This idea of falling in love, comes with a feeling. The first kisses, how skin from a foreign being brushes against yours. Leaves you with a strange fuzziness that grows inside you. The teasing, the mystery. The touch at the back of the neck, the sweet taste of the lips. The longing, desire. You want to see her. You want to see her often. You are infatuated of the idea that this girl in front of you is fond of you, she leaves you with that strange fuzziness.

So you let yourself fall. You let yourself dissolve in her life, like how ink slowly diffuses into paper. She writes pages about you now and then. Your name appears in her present. She lets you in, lets you take a glimpse of the pages. She's afraid of the pages but she continues writing. She's ashamed of them, and at times, proud. 

The pages were dark. They were hopeless. A cesspool of cold filthy thoughts. And there you were, a bright shining light. It makes her write about stupid things like flowers, meadows, cats. They were daydreams, but they were good. Once in awhile, the dark comes back. Looms over her, it could suffocate her, break her. But she sees you. Bright, shining light. 

---

My bright shining light gets dimmer. I say this because he is honest. He speaks the truth. He doesn't get that strange fuzziness anymore. He glimpsed too long at the pages. He doesn't need me.

Am I even worthy of a bright shining light?

Well she's walking through the clouds
With a circus mind that's running wild
Butterflies and zebras
And moonbeams and fairytales
That's all she ever thinks about
Riding with the wind

When I'm sad she comes to me
With a thousand smiles she gives to me free
It's alright, she says it's alright
Take anything you want from me
Anything

Fly on little wing.

"I didn't mind not seeing you."

"It doesn't feel right, does it?"

Despite my grey clouds
Somewhere deep inside
Something is fighting fiercely in silence

Waiting game

I leave my questions unanswered

And in the end I can only manage 

"If you decide to leave, let me know."

He wants a strong woman
But all I do is stumble and trip
I get caught up with my sadness
He wants a happy woman
But all I do is get lost in my thoughts
I'm passive

He wants a strong woman

People eventually get tired of the heavy heart.
They only come back for the good days.