To Muhammad Shadiq Bin Ilias.

Funny how I wanted to type out "To (your name)" at the title of this post and "To my first love" pops out. Just made it worse that the first person I ever loved was a real asshole.

At first I didn't wanna be angry or say nasty stuff but I thought I saw you just now and it made me feel really sick to my guts. The sight of you. I just gotta let this out, and if you happen to stumble upon this post, I hope you read this till the end. Don't chicken out.

You. You disgust me. Your actions, your words, it all makes sense now. I'm so amazed by how you can still have the heart to hurt me again after all this while. Oh wait, that explains, you don't have one. I am hugely repulsed by what you've become. Is this your way of treating a lady with perfectly sincere feelings? You have no respect for me and at the same time you deserve no respect from myself at all. What happened, Shadiq? What have you become? Just look at yourself. I took a step outside and I see what you are. You're just like a dog, scampering around whenever you see fresh new meat. And just like one, you hide your tail between your feet when you're caught making a mistake. A coward. Lesser than human, cold-hearted, heartless even. I believe your little "Suha I want you back" and all those crocodile tears was just part of your play. It was just you masking the real you. You're ugly inside Shadiq. After all these years, I opened up to you, told you my fears. And you simply took all of them in your stride and used them against me. That's not cool Shadiq. Even friends don't do that. Even strangers don't do that. What are you, my enemy? You're much worse than some of the bitches I know or ever heard of. Backstabber much?

You know, that last night we met, when we were sitting infront of that shitty hockey court, I actually felt it. Hope. And I actually felt myself putting that little faith in you. You say words like "We're gonna make it." or "I feel like time stops when I'm with you." Bullshit. I'm always right. Whatever I said was true. My insecurities, my suspicions, they are always right. You manipulative, sickening bastard. You are more screwed-up then I expected. You're a huge mess. Our "relationship" is like a game to you. Your twisted game. But guess what, I'm out. Had enough. Your "love" has a limit and so does my patience. I can't even type out your name now Shadiq. That's how bad it is. I hope you enjoyed your play in this game. 

And I hope you remember all the good memories of me and you, stuff it in your brain or in your ass too if you need, because guess what, that's the real me and you're just gonna lose it all. You've lost me. For the umpteenth time. You've just lost something really good. Whatever I said, did or felt was real. I hope it was worth it for you, causing me the whole universe of pain. And I also wish one fine day God will pour you a glass of conscience because it looks like you really need one. You've not a single bone of goodness in your body. Cos you are filled with deception, betrayal and cruelty, all that sugarcoated with your sweet little lies. Frankly speaking, keep living your life as you are now, and sooner or later you'll realise that you're left with nothing but emptiness. 

Remember a long time ago, you sent me a text after that little confrontation thing that humiliated you infront of a small group of people. It said something like, "Remember suha, it's 1-0 for now." I got it, you win. As I said, you played your sick game well.

This is the end of you and your pack of girls. Run along now little dog.