today i woke up to another episode of feeling physically drained out of my wits. i am tired and i know most of us are, and we keep posting this on our blogs and this will just make me cliche talking about the rotten travesty i put up in school trying to keep up with everyone and everything. i passed my physics test by a mark & how hopeless does this sound if i were to add something like, "hey at least i passed my languages". i am running a temperature i have goo making its way down the bridge of my nose my throat is running a factory of phlegm in there & all of this for worthless shits like scraping through in school. i am hypersensitive & emotional becomes my middle name. i break down to the most tad pettiest of situations & suffer long hours of due reactivity to the droning voices of darling teachers in their effort to fathom our motive of being in school. i sneak out to the ladies' almost everyday during lesson time just to keep myself together, just to take deep breaths so i am able to endure my never-ending course of living hell. i feel disturbed, i have panic attacks. i am disguising all this with a kooky smile on my face & afew laugh-out-loud jokes and a heckcare attitude. i am insecured, a classmate once told me i look like a panda when i cough. however i am prone to be more adaptable in really harsh situations like giving my upmost attention and energy in my interest even though i feel like my mind is ticking a bomb in its mass cells of brain muscles. school is being a bitch, i try not to expostulate my right of being a being but i must act civilized & just put on a good show. on some days i wish i could do silly things like taking photographs of the sky, or sit down for hours watching the clouds pass by but all of these are condemned with the many commitments i put into, to make my future less bleak. i am waiting for the stars to descend on me rather than to look up into the sky to see them glitter from afar, out of reach. i am learning to vanquish my alter ego under these circumstances, and i am going to flourish. i am going to learn through my agonizing failed attempts in school. today, eventhough i am tired and weak, i am strong-willed. i am going to eliminate all negative energy from my physique only to store it with an undeniably positive attitude. i am going to seize all my chances to attain my goal, but also have fun and merrymaking entertainment at the same time. i will stop taking part in activites that will only deteriorate my health. i will stop toxicating my body with tar and harmful gases that will only cause my brain cells to shrink, diminishing the fact that i am a good student. i will stop all unhealthy activities that will only produce age-defying symptoms and contaminate my sex drive (it says so in the internet). there are many other escapades than that to make myself useful. i will respect my youth & myself and i will not give in to pretentious bullshit to make me look or feel adult. i am going to be a healthy and growing 16 year old teenager today, looking forward to the many values of the future and will not stop trying to be the best of my best. i am going to love and appreciate my life, and all those around me. whatever happens tomorrow will be an enigma, but i will always be prepared to face futurity, my fate. only then will i master fascinating art of life, of surviving my teenage years.
i love you family for providing me with a safe and secured environment to live in, where everything is provided, from food to money to love and comfort.
i love you girlfriends for spending almost 4 years and still counting, of your lives, to painfully listen to me constantly lamenting about my life eventhough my life's good.
i love you shadiq for filling my days with alot of bliss and optimism, always coming from the genuine heart.
i love you classmates for making my days as an olevel student interesting, how we always joke around and never show interest in the lessons eventhough our teachers will always have a special place in our hearts.
i love you teachers, the people who i am always fond of, making me laugh eventhough you all are serious and never giving up on our lessons eventhough we may look like we have given up.
i love you my band members, you guys cheer me up each time during practice, and how we are always united despite the many criticism and failures faced, how each and every one of you play a special role in our band.
i love you kaka, coco and nikki. how all three of you manage to put a smile on my face eventhough i had a tough day in school.
i love you zara, you are a part of me and i have always been disappointed with you, but i have learnt to appreciate you with all my heart. will miss you if you're atlast gone.
i must always believe i am not a tiny speck of nata de coco but a whole chunk of fresh aloe vera in a tin. alright cheers to all muacks muacks.