It's been ages since I last wrote! Man, this feels weird. I kind of forgot how it was like to ramble on and on about shit that goes around with my life. But I've mentioned a few times throughout this blog that a good rant once in a while clears up my head a little. This little space of mine doesn't judge, doesn't get angry, doesn't hurt me.
Life as we know it, doesn't change in an instant so I've been just okay, no big break yet with the whole design thing or no other interesting events. It has been less dramatic, something I've appreciated because I'm really not a big fan of spending my waking hours trying to clean up any emotional mess I've created. I like being boring and happy. And once in a while I get this sudden burst of doing extremely stupid and thrilling and then I do it and sometimes it doesn't end up well and maybe people get hurt.
I'm 20 going 21, but I feel that my 16 year old mind is taking control sometimes. I'm sure my close friends would have known how I was like being sixteen. I was quite in a "dazed and confused" state of mind but unfortunately, instead of dealing with it and rocking it out like Led Zeppelin, I get really weak. When the shitty thing washes over me, it's like a dark grey cloud. It kind of follows me around and though they might be a few reasons to what causes this....fuckery, I'm getting quite impatient recently. The last breakdown I had was 2 days ago where I suddenly broke down into big fat tears and it just went on for a couple of hours. Weird.
To be honest, I'm going completely bonkers trying to stay composed. Oh, the irony. I just can't seem to shake off this stupid grey cloud. Well, fuck. Haha months and months of not posting here, and lookit! My comeback post sounds morbid as shit. Well anyway back to my cuckoo story. So I've been reading it up, and they say I'm going through some kind of emotional distress. It isn't exactly depression but it's some sort of mental thing where you kind of inflict a lot of shit into your brain and you end up feeling extreme sadness, then your memory start to fail sometimes and it disturbs your sleep. I mean really, this shit is making me lose some sleep and mind you, I fucking love my sleep.
So in conclusion, I am just getting really impatient and this is why I start to write again because I just wanna rant and maybe that will help. And maybe when I read back into all my posts, I'll be like "Wow fuck, remember that time I used to be so sad for nothing?? Haha well that was a shitty time!". Haha because I really want to say that one day. Like I can totally just look back and think of how crazy I was, and like I got out of this. Like the grey cloud stops following me? Because it's really exhausting sometimes.