They say you are what you listen to so it is wrong if I were to listen to too much Mazzy Star and Dillon for now? Idk, I don't want it to cloud my brain with too much feelings of hopelessness. Haha because they do evoke those kind of shit.
So just now I took the bus home. So that's around 1 and a half hours of sitting down, staring out of the window blankly, trying to think of productive things that would make my life a little worthwhile. Like my assignment for example, or my driving lessons..or a part-time job. I managed to catch the sunset from the bus and even took a nap and when I woke up it was already dark so I walked home, cigarette in hand. Thinking, still. I can't seem to stop doing that nowadays.
So I've been thinking of why the grey cloud follows me around then I kind of came to a conclusion that.. I haven't loved myself enough. Ever heard of the saying "Love yourself before you love others." and I think I might have skipped the first part when I fell in love with him. I was young, and I had so much to learn about myself, then I fell in love hard and fast and I learnt to be selfless and forgiving and I learnt to love someone unconditionally but..in the process, I get left behind.